You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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