I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
