just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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