I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
