Sry I called you an 8
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
