I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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