you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
