I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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