Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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