Will you blow on my dice?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
