You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
