It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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