I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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