Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
