He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
