I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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