and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
