Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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