woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
