Apparently you make a good broom.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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