did you get engaged???
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
