when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
