i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
