theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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