The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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