I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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