You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
