so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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