batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
