ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
