At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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