don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
