you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
