why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
