i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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