How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
