haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
