Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
