i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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