Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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