he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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