Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
