Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
