Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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