Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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