Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
