i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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