So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
