That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
