One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
either way he was missing a nipple.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
