"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
