pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
