sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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