i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
