You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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