did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
