If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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